Bono, Sally Struthers to join McCormick campaign team

(Appleton) - U2 front man and political activist Bono will be appearing with 8th District Congressional Candidate Terri McCormick tomorrow, encouraging the federal government to forgive McCormick's enormous campaign debt.

The Federal Elections Commission reported that as of June 30th, McCormick has just $3,482 on hand with accumulated debt of nearly $65,000. McCormick's cash to debt ratio puts her somewhere around Sierra Leone and Burkina Faso in terms of economic stability.

"Look, I'm fully aware that there hasn't been such a terrible example of fiscal management since we all laughed at Richard Pryor's zany antics in Brewster's Millions," said McCormick, who trails badly in every recent poll except the one taken among John Gard's neighbors, who mostly have McCormick for Congress signs in their yards. "I mean, Kagen's a million-five in the hole on a personal loan, but he probably makes that in interest every year. I just need some help bailing water out of the Titanic. That's why I've asked my new friends Bono and Sally to help me out."

The Sally that McCormick referenced is Sally Struthers, who will serve as McCormick's chief fundraiser. Struthers is well-known for her advocacy on behalf of starving children around the world. The McCormick campaign will be launching a series of ads next week reminding you that for just fifty cents a day, you can save a public official from complete and total humiliation.

Political insiders see the addition of Bono and Struthers as a last-ditch effort by McCormick to draw attention to her campaign, which is tanking badly as the primary quickly approaches. McCormick is in a heated battle with her Assembly colleague, Speaker John Gard, for the right to lose to millionaire allergist and good guy Steve Kagen in the November race to replace Congressman Mark Green.