Tom Reynolds announced today that he was boycotting the 25th annual Reynolds family reunion this Saturday, after hearing rumors from Aunt Judy that Reynolds' cousin Jim was planning on bringing a video camera to capture the event on film.Sen. Reynolds could not confirm the validity of this report, adding that he "couldn’t even say who would be there."* When pressed further about his planned absence, Sen. Reynolds added that "there's just the basic strategy in filming these events, trying to find some strange pose that you’re in." Sen. Reynolds then expressed concern that cousin Jim was in fact cooperating with groups affiliated with his Democratic opponent, Jim Sullivan. According to Sen. Reynolds, he will "not have these groups filming their attack ads there" at the reunion. He was especially concerned that footage of the traditional three-legged race could prove damaging. Reynolds has made it clear that the only kind of bondage he supports is figurative bondage, in which the wife is subservient to the husband at all times.
When asked of his intent, Jim Reynolds indicated that he was only intending to capture general footage and brief profiles of each member of the Reynolds clan for distribution of a family DVD at Christmas. "I'm not sure what Tom's deal is," said Jim. "I mean, he's a politician. You think he'd be used to cameras and all that attention. Instead, he'll probably have Bob Dohnal write some incredulous, head-up-his-ass column about how I'm 'out of touch' with the family on this matter, and his work-at-home staffer J.J. Blonien will start up some kind of smear campaign against my wife and kids."
Jim added that he "wonders if Tom ever bothered to take Blonien off the state payroll when he started doing campaign work for him. I mean, even an average Jim like me can see how that's blurring the lines between legislative and campaign duties. Besides, didn't Blonien say he wasn't going to be there past June anyway?"
When asked for a response to Jim Reynolds' comments, Sen. Reynolds refused to come out from underneath his plywood kitchen table, where he was found playing with nativity figurines and babbling about the end times.
Note: The words in purple are actual quotes from Tom Reynolds. See Senator, just like video, words too can be taken out of context and used against you. Guess you better shut your damn mouth then, too.
6 comments:
Slow times in the cap. make for hilarious reading from the recess super. we want more. the image of tr playing w/ nativity figurines almost made it worthwhile to come to work today:)
One of the things that's really bipartisan among Capitol dwellers is loathing of Tom Reynolds. That's what makes this comment great. It could be from the staff of Dale Schultz or a freshman Democrat in the Assembly, or anywhere in between.
Blonien is still on Reynolds' -- our -- payroll, according to this commenter on Gretchen Schuldt's blog, Milwaukee Rising:
"Blonien is still formally on Reynolds' taxpayer-funded office staff. He's listed a a full-time, benefitted employee. He's reportedly 'working from home' on a full-time basis, a cushy perk that virtually no other legislative staffperson in state service enjoys.
"Legislative staff are required to provide written pre-notification of their intent to take vacation to work on campaign efforts, if those efforts fall during the regularly-scheduled workday. I wonder if Blonien is doing that?
"Is it that Blonien is not getting paid by the Reynolds campaign because he is getting paid instead by the taxpayers, by way of the Reynolds legislative office? Just asking."
Hee hee. I look forward to new parody from RS the same way I look forward to a new issue of The Onion on Wednesdays.
Oh, goodness. You know you're an insider when you get the nativity joke.
Yeah, there's an added "bonus" level of humor there for those who get it. Of course, as we all know, Reynolds pretends that he's Joseph.
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