Honadel Committee Renamed "Assembly Committee on Southeast Wisconsin Freeloaders"

Speaker John Gard today announced that, due to inactivity, the Assembly Committee on Southeast Wisconsin Freeways was to be renamed the Assembly Committee on Southeast Wisconsin Freeloaders, effective immediately.

"Look, I know it's policy that we just go handing out committees to everyone and their grandmother," said Gard. "I'm not saying I like the policy. We could run this place with 20 committees, no problem. But then I'd have to hear 25 legislators whine about not being good enough to chair a committee. So we come up with 25 make work committees. Do we really need Health, Public Health, and Medicaid Reform? Of course not. Do we need Transportation, Highway Safety, and SE Wisconsin Freeways? Nope. Children & Families and Family Law? Education, Education Reform, and Colleges & Universities? Shall I continue?"

"But the fact that (Honadel) couldn't even come up with one bill that we could refer to his own committee for action is ridiculous," said Gard. "If this waste of tax money comes up in my congressional campaign I'm going to be seriously pissed."

The relative do-nothingness of Honadel's committee was recently highlighted by Milwaukee Journal Sentinel reporters Cary Spivak and Dan Bice. According to the Spice Boys, as they are affectionately known, Honadel's committee met four times, the last meeting being a booze-filled junket to Miller Brewing.

"Yeah, that 'meeting' was brutal," said Phil Cardis, Legislative Council staff attorney for the committee, said while waiting in line at Quizno's. "They took the whole damn tour of the brewery while I had to lug those f#@$%@! statute books around. You'd think at least Honadel might offer to carry one since this was his great idea in the first place. Those things get heavy after awhile."

Cardis continued, "So Honadel said he's coming up with a report to improve state roads? Yeah, sure, he's coming up with it and I'm the King of Durka-Durkastan. Considering we give him an extra .5 staff positions to do committee work, and this committee hasn't done a damn thing, this report better be the best thing written since (staff attorney Mark) Patronsky's 2001 Leg Council Book Club presentation on To Kill A Mockingbird. Seriously, I've still got a copy of that on my desk somewhere. Brilliant stuff. Who knew there was any new subtext left to find in Boo Radley?"

Honadel was unavailable for interview but did offer the following comments via email:

"When I ran a few years ago, I was a political outsider. I wanted to change the system, you know? Shake things up. But you know what? The system is pretty damn cozy. I get to chair a committee that deals with matters on which I have no expertise just because I'm not a freshman legislator. The committee barely meets, generates no work, and entitles me to spend another 20 grand in taxpayer dollars every year on a staff position that primarily serves to make me look good and get me re-elected. And now that we're pretty much done with session until next January, I'm going to collect nine months of pay just for breathing, speaking at Optimist Club luncheons, and campaigning."

"Seriously, I can't believe more people don't run for public office. $46K a year, another $10K in per diems, great benefits, staff who do all your work and live to make you look good. This is the greatest part-time job in the world. Every day is like going to Disneyland."

Disclaimer: Still satire. If a Leg Council Book Club truly exists, please e-mail me the details.

WisPolitics Anonymous Blog Summit Looks Remarkably Like Los Straitjackets Concert

The Recess Supervisor, Ragnar Mentaire, Dennis York, and Jeff Mayers don their best blue jackets before a spectacular dinner at Old Country Buffet (photo: Lady Caroline Lamb)

(Madison) - Wednesday night's 2006 WisPolitics Anonymous Bloggers Summit (ABS) brought out the biggest names in anonymous blogging for an evening of revelry, debate, and above all, drinking.

Conference Room B of the Crowne Plaza Madison was the place to be, as Jeff Mayers kicked off the 2005 WisPolitics ABS with a bang.

"What a treat to have so many fine bloggers in the room who tell it like it is and aren't a bunch of partisan hacks and spinmeisters like the bloggers we host on our site. Man, Free Will has seen better days, hasn't he?" said Mayers to a chorus of cheers from the masked audience.

"The WisPolitics ABS was designed as an alternative forum to give identity-challenged bloggers the opportunity to network and share ideas," said Greg Bump, who helped to organize the event. "Ever since the Recess Supervisor went on the record for me in the WisPolitics Evening Update last month, I've wanted to pull these great minds together. Clearly, their insider analysis and biting satire has caused waves among legislators, who are terrified that all their dirtiest secrets will be revealed. And what better way for a reporter to get those secrets than by plying these masked bloggers with Jim Beam and stroking their enormous egos. After all, it works on legislators."

Here was the evening's agenda:

6:00 p.m. Dinner at Old Country Buffet (on your own)
7:15 p.m. Welcome - Jeff Mayers
7:30 p.m. Ragnar Mentaire: "Photoshopping and Scandinavian Recipes - More In Common Than You Think"
8:15 p.m. Dennis York: "Baby York, Natalie Portman, and The Evolution of Anonymous Political Blogging in Wisconsin"
9:00 p.m. Lady Caroline Lamb: "Why Neal Kedzie Is Dumb Enough To Think That Talk Radio Educates Voters" - Panel Discussion with Greg Bump
9:45 p.m. Recess Supervisor/Ragnar Mentaire: "Everything You Ever Wanted To Know About P: Drive Photos (But Were Afraid To Ask)"
10:45 p.m. Wrap-Up - Jeff Mayers
11:00 p.m. Post-summit trip to Visions (optional)

Dee Hall was on site but was not allowed into the summit because of her proclivity for slanted, biased journalism. She was overheard pleading with Mayers for a press pass, saying something to the effect of "c'mon Jeff, you know I don't have anything to write about now that the Jensen trial is over. Nobody cares what Rick Skindrud says anymore either (or do they?). I'm desperate!"

Hall was later seen between sessions trying unsuccessfully to slip a digital voice recorder to Max Power along with a $20.

The governing principle of Legislative Republicans post-Jensen

Click here.

John Nichols pisses me off.

I haven't written much at all about the Jensen trial, in part because unlike others in the blogosphere, I never felt like there was much to contribute that wasn't already being contributed so eloquently. If you want to know how I felt about the whole thing, go read Ragnar's blog. I pretty much agree with 95% of what he says.

But after reading today's Cap Times, it's time to hit the keyboard. Because I'll be damned if I'm going to let John Nichols rewrite history through a lens about as clear as that on a cheap kaleidoscope.

You know the old saying "those who can do, those who can't teach?" Well, those can make things happen do, and those who can't make a living criticizing them in the paper. The only thing more transparent than Nichols' ageless personal loathing of Jensen is his intense envy that he has never been in a position to do anything other than criticize. The only way John Nichols has ever affected change is by paying for his value meal in quarters.

Nichols' personal vendetta cum hatchet job on Jensen is one so ill-performed that one would think Nichols was actually using the wrong end of the hatchet to accomplish his task. While I could go on and on about this screed, I will pick just two points to touch on.

First, I never thought that after reading Tom Loftus' book, I would ever hear his name in the same sentence as the phrase "clean and capable government" unless there was also a negating word in the sentence, like "not". Have you read Loftus' book, John? He practically admits to felonies, except he, like all the other Assembly Democrats, somehow escaped the hook. A guy who, as the tale goes, used his position as Speaker to have legislative messengers bring Republican deliveries to his office so his staff could nose through them? A guy who practically revolutionized the concept of campaigning on state time? That Tom Loftus, John?

Second, Nichols asserts that "Jensen, as he never fails to remind Wisconsinites, is a graduate of Harvard University's Kennedy School of Government..."

Nichols is right. In the biography on Jensen's website, there it is. Jensen "reminds" us that he went to Harvard down there in the tenth paragraph.

In all the times I ever heard Jensen speak - whether on the floor, in committee hearings, in open caucus, or while negotiating budgets with the Democrats, I think I can probably count the number of times I ever heard Jensen pat himself on the back for his Ivy League pedigree. Zero. For all his skills and abilities, Jensen remains a remarkably humble guy. Offer him a compliment on his success in building the majority and he's usually the first guy to paint the picture in terms of a team effort. Hell, if you talked to Jensen for an hour about building the Republican majority, you'd probably leave thinking everyone but Jensen was responsible for it.

If Nichols wants a lesson in how to respond appropriately, he need look no further than Mark Pocan's comments in his paper just one day earlier. Pocan's remarks were classy. But that's no surprise, because even though he's a tenacious fighter, Rep. Pocan is a nice guy in real life. He knows what it is to be a public servant. It's also likely that he knows, as many of us do, that there are a lot of people in both parties with blood on their hands in this whole mess. If Jensen was convicted in letter on Saturday, there were many others, Republicans and Democrats alike, who were convicted in spirit.

Unlike Nichols, who is permanently resigned to being a spectator in the game of life, Jensen is a doer. And he could've been doing something else all these years that would've paid him a hell of a lot better than legislating. Jensen should be taking his years in the legislature as a tax write-off, because his participation in our government was practically charitable in nature.

Above all, Jensen's legacy in the Legislature may be as someone who treated people fairly. He walked into a system where minority staff were paid abysmally compared to majority staff. He and David Prosser worked to change that. Today, everyone in the Assembly starts from the same pay grid. When Jensen took over as Speaker, he didn't try to screw over the Democrats. Their staff got the same raises, the same opportunities for professional development as everyone else. Jensen knew that Wisconsin was well-served by having both legislators and staff from both parties motivated and contributing to the policymaking efforts.

And while some in the blogosphere have joked about Bill Cosh and his frustration while testifying, I think it just shows that Bill knew what so many who worked around Jensen knew - that the jury was only being allowed to see a small part of the picture that is Scott Jensen.

Jensen's a nice guy. He prominently displays his children's artwork around the office, even in front of his chair at the JFC table. He loves his family. He cares passionately about his beliefs and worked hard to make Wisconsin a better place. He's a tireless worker. What does it say that even in the midst of the legal chaos of the last few years, Jensen has still managed to be one of the most effective and thoughtful legislators in the state?

Scott Jensen is an imperfect man, like each of us, and he deserves better than the treatment he was given by John Nichols. There are many things to learn from Jensen - good things and not so good things - and we would all be wise to take notes. Our government desperately needs more guys like Jensen. We need idea guys, people who can see the big picture while understanding the finer details. People who are willing to walk by more lucrative careers in other fields because they understand that public service is still a noble calling - no matter how much Nichols wants to paint everyone in the system as corrupt and purchased.

Life teaches us that we should be grateful for the opportunities we have to change the world and not spend our days pining for the ones that slipped through our fingers. Scott Jensen was a great legislator. He would've been a great governor - and who knows what may have followed.

When you look out the window today, you'll see a Wisconsin that has been forever changed by Scott Jensen. That's no small feat. And for those of you wishing to say thanks, well, there's an address below.

Scott Jensen Legal Defense Fund
c/o Stephen J. Meyer
Meyer Law Office
10 E. Doty St. #507
Madison, WI 53703

Sometimes you're funnier than me.

I would love to take credit for the following, but I will attribute it appropriately.

In response to the following WISC non-news article about our favorite caucus whistleblower, I received the following email from a reader:

When is the movie coming out based on Lyndee Wall? Wait a minute... (derogatory term for a promiscuous woman) tries to save town through her determination and sense of what's right.

They already made Erin Brockovich. My bad.

Brilliant. Great stuff.

End of legislative session prompts raging LRB kegger

The end of legislative general business today means only one thing: the biennial all-night kegger held by the Legislative Reference Bureau to celebrate a nine-month reprieve from legislative stupidity. This year's bash, held in Mike Dsida's walk-out basement, proved to be a wily affair in which drafters shut their computers off, let their hair down, and complained vociferously about their workload.

As of this morning, 1,111 Assembly bills had been introduced this session and were available for review on the legislature's website. The Senate put forward 661 bills. And this evening, legislators again made their biennial attempt to make up for 15 months of procrastination in one evening. The Assembly and Senate did their very best dippy bird impersonations, mindlessly pushing the same colored button over and over again, voting on bills they haven't read, don't understand, and haven't debated.

Drafters started arriving at Dsida's tri-level around 7:30, and after some alcohol and food from Milio's Subs, drafting attorneys began to speak freely about their working conditions.

"Yeah, like I don't have anything better to do than draft the same crappy amendment 72 f@#%* times," said Robin Kite, slightly inebriated and throwing darts at a Blue Book photo of Steve Wieckert, who again submitted more drafting requests than any other legislator. "You heard me Nass. You think having a bunch of lawyers running around all day drafting those ethanol amendments was a good example of fiscal conservatism? You didn't even get a vote on any of them and then the Assembly passed the bill over your usual objections. I hope you scored a lot of points with your press release. It probably cost the state $3,000 in labor. Nice job."

Kite was referring to Assembly Bill 15, which mandates the use of ethanol in certain gasoline blends. Nass submitted one amendment 72 times, each for a different county in the state. "Next time the bastard can hand-write those. Screw 'em," said Kite, piercing Wieckert's right eye with a pointy projectile. "At least (Sen. Tim) Carpenter had the decency to hand write all his ridiculous amendments for that school choice bill. There's a guy who respects other people's time."

"The average LRB drafter has far more education and is far more knowledgeable about the lawmaking process than your typical legislator," said a sober Joe Kreye, wearing a large badge that read "Ellis/Krug/Boyle/Seratti/Decker Honorary Designated Driver." "We've all got law degrees. You're lucky if your state legislator has a bachelor's degree from some B-level state school and hasn't run a small business into the ground. So maybe it's about time they stopped treating us like handmaidens, the Cinderellas of the royal court. You'd think every now and then they could drop in a 'thank you' with their 'why didn't I have this yesterday?' Dammit, I swear they backdate drafting requests just so they can complain that we're not doing them fast enough."

"True, but at least we're not like the guys over at Leg Council," said Peter Grant. "Those poor saps have to sit through the committee hearings on these pieces of garbage and try not to laugh at how bad the bills are."

Bob Nelson, while unshelling some salted peanuts, offered some wisdom to legislators. "Did a constituent ask you for this? Because let me tell you something: most of your constituents are pretty damn stupid. I mean, 98% of us can solve our own damn problems. The other 2% are on the phone with your staff. So next time, when you get a 'great idea' from someone at a Rotary Club meeting, you should run this great idea by someone with a brain first - like a staffer."

But are there solutions to the volume of legislative stupidity? Certainly, said Pam Kahler. Between handfuls of Chex Mix, she noted that Colorado limits legislators in the General Assembly to five bills a session, with a few exceptions. "I think that's brilliant," said Kahler. "I mean, multiply 132 by five bills each. That's 660 bills each session. I assure you that 132 legislators can't come up with 660 good ideas every two years. No way. But this session alone, our 132 legislators came up with over 1,300 bad ideas."

"Besides," added Kahler, "the Republicans seem to like everything else that comes from Colorado. All we ever hear is Colorado this and Colorado that. Maybe they could actually take a good idea from Colorado for a change. And if not, we'll slip it into a Leg Council bill next session. Legislators vote yes on those all the time but never read them because they're too complicated."

There were, however, some lighter moments in the evening. According to Debora Kennedy, veteran drafter Marc Shovers was in charge of getting the beer. "We told him to get three kegs of Blue Moon and two bags of Cool Ranch Doritos," said Kennedy. "What does he show up with? Two kegs of Natty Ice, a half-keg of Blue Moon, and a six-pack of Granny Smith Woodchuck. And no Doritos. He said it'd be better this way. Always leave it to a drafter to find unsolicited 'improvements' upon your original suggestion."

Shovers defended his actions, pointing out that the three full kegs would not have fit behind Dsida's wet bar, and that by eliminating the Cool Ranch Doritos and their blue bags entirely, the response to the request better integrates with the existing decor and color scheme of Dsida's basement. It is also better equipped to survive any possible constitutional challenge raised by opponents of the plan.

Drafters, however, were a little reserved in their excitement. Most expect the Legislature will come back in the near future to take up the Taxpayer Protection Amendment. That means more drafting work into the spring.

"If we're lucky, we can do it like we did two years ago," said Cathlene Hanaman. "You remember that, right? When legislators were holding public hearings on a draft that wasn't even available? Yeah, delightful. Now if you'll excuse me, I need to get another cup of wop from Peter Dykman."

Disclaimer: This is not news - it's satire. The names are real but the quotes and events described are not. And I have no idea if Mike Dsida really owns a tri-level.

Who died...

...and made Deb Jordahl the Greta van Susteren and Roger Cossack of the Scott Jensen trial?

I normally like your blog, Deb, but your sycophantic cheerleading for the defendants is getting a little nauseating. There are twelve people whose opinions will matter in this trial, and you're not one of them. Accordingly, your blow-by-blow, bias-riddled accounts of the legal proceedings are probably unnecessary. They surely aren't insightful.

Let's leave the coverage to Greg Bump. After all, most of the people following the trial are smart enough to figure things out on their own without all the editorializing.

More on medical malpractice

The Playground would like to thank the Wisconsin State Journal for its balanced, front page story on medical malpractice caps in Sunday's paper. I can only hope that the MSM does more stories that get beyond the BS of trial lawyers and doctors and helps the public to put medical liability lawsuits in perspective.

There's no crisis here, people. Your doctors just want to keep a little extra money in their pockets for their Friday afternoon rounds of golf. Oh yeah, and they, along with their lobbyists, will also throw cash to the Republican legislators who swallow their talking points.

Isn't politics noble?

Republicans trust regular people to decide whether gays and lesbians should be stripped of their civil rights and treated like second-class citizens. They trust regular people to set fiscal policy in the state constitution. They trust them to vote on whether school districts can exceed revenue caps. But God forbid we let those same people sit on a jury and determine an appropriate award for pain and suffering. I guess that when you walk into a courtroom, suddenly you're all stupid and can't be trusted. So Republicans think you're either brilliant or dumb, depending on the issue.

When it comes to their opinions of the public's judgment, it appears the only thing we can trust Republicans to be is consistently inconsistent.

If the Supreme Court were like the Legislature...

Chief Justice John Roberts would probably be holding closed door meetings of the justices in an attempt to discipline the sketch artist. Because the problem here couldn't possibly be that Justice Ginsburg slept through an oral argument. It's that the artist dared to draw the truth.